Sunday, August 24, 2008

Oh, tears fall down on me.

Im going to say something personal so brace yourselves.

In my entire college so far, I've cried for just a couple of times. I could count those moments in one hand. But, last night, August 22, 2008 to be exact, I've cried like I've never cried before.

It started when Chem Lab finished so late, the line on Lawton (where the bus stop is) was so long and tiring and the wait was agonizing. I managed to get a good seat on the bus finally, after an hour of standing amongst exhausted strangers that night. Worst case scenario was it would rain and I don't have umbrella with me and there was no shade in sight. Fortunately, it did not.

Then there was the traffic. The slow-paced ride to home made it feel like it took us forever inside that claustrophobic vehicle. And it made me think of things. Things that made me cry, the cry that I happened to withold for a couple of times until I reached home.

"I need to let this out", I remember telling myself. I've wanted to get it out but never knew how or when and where to start.

When I got home it was around 10 pm. Nag-mano ako to my mom who said, "How are you?" which I answered with a moan as I went out of sight as soon as possible. Tears started to well-up as I tried changing from my school uniform. I decided that I'd cry in the bathroom instead. On my way there, mom was out of her room and confronted me with the same question, concern in her voice--the last thing I needed until I can hold these tears in. Then I broke down.

Never have I cried like that in front of mom and my sister. Stress clearly took a toll on me finally. And all these repressed emotions have reached its limits, having been put off in the dark for so long. Not having anyone to talk to. And not having been in touch with myself in the first place.

But in the end, what I had was a good cry. Something I never thought I needed. I see now how some say it's good to be sad once in awhile, you're just human anyway.

:'}

2 comments:

  1. aaaw... crying for me is a therapy... it helps. you can't just repressed thoughts and emotions. you need to loose it all out or it'll be too late. Gah last Friday's traffic was incredulously irritatingly annoying. See that was too much! it took me two looong hours before I reached home! pfft slow traffic in PH!

    glad that you feel better. oh, btw, we have what we call 'family' and the name serves its purpose...

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  2. scratch 'ed' in the word 'repressed'...

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