Friday, September 10, 2010

Time is running out.

Time keeps on ticking away
Always running away
We’re always running in time.
Today, I finally turned 20. It was such a big deal for me turning old this time around. I badly wanted to have something big to happen, to remember this such eventful day by, to feel good to the point that I'll forget how it feels to feel otherwise. But now that it has finally happened, the clock struck 12, and there I was, feeling the same as when I was 19. I realized that there won't be some magical, breathtaking, nor life-changing thing coming. In the concept of time, I just turned older. That's it.

And I literally wanted to cry.

I remember it clearly, like a movie scene stuck playing inside my head. It was exactly 11:11. Should I make a wish? Bullshit. I was lying on the bed with Paige beside me. I was listening to Coldplay's Fix You and right then and there, I wanted to wallow into my sadness. I thought, I'm going to be 20 soon. I'm not happy. And I thought celebrating it with my best friends would be dynamite. But Eka was late, April is absent, and all Paige can talk about was boys and ***. Not that I could complain....

You shouldn't depend your happiness to other people in the first place. You want to be happy, then strive to be happy by yourself. It sucks but its the reality, you are the only one accountable for your feelings. In my 20 years of existence, one of the major major things I learned (LOL) is that people don't care about what your are saying, they are only thinking about what they're going to say next. We all cared about being heard but we seldom give a fuck about listening.

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