These are thoughts I can only make sense of when written. Hence, this entry.
I have a job now. I won't go into the details of it and speak no more than to tell you that what we do is take calls and manage accounts. And only a week remains until training ends and I submerge myself into the real deal, before I take live calls and to finally taste what this job really has to offer. Stress and toxicity opening their arms, cradling me with malicious intent.
I have been thinking about life lately, as if I haven't had enough thinking already, and along with the recent documentary I saw called Zeitgeist: Moving Forward (the 3rd and latest installment), my views on all sorts of things has now geared towards a wider and somehow different road.
I don't know if I've just reached a whole new level of gullibility or the film was outright convincing that I was really moved by the concepts that were introduced. In a nutshell, they are promoting a society living in the absence of money and labor, free from politics and any religious ideas, of violence and poverty; all of which may seem far-fetched in this lifetime but flying and electricity was once thought to be far-fetched as well but look at what we have now.
It has also made a greater impact on how I see my priorities now. I was once asked by my colleague on how long do I plan on staying with the company and I said "until I think I can" but at the back of my mind I thought uhhh, forever? I haven't really thought of it yet but I don't see myself going through all the trouble of pre-employment in the long-run again.
Bata pa daw naman ako she said. Already 26, she adds, she better start moving towards her goals and this job is basically just a stepping stone. This led me to thinking about my own goals as well. And I thought hard because I for one, don't think my goals are serious enough to be taken seriously but then again so what right? Hahaha.
All I ever wanted when I grow up (yes not grow old) is to have (in no particular order) a satisfying marriage, warm relationship with my family and friends, healthy life, and to continue creating things whatever form it may be. You can pitch in a 'fulfilling and productive work' there too. But at the moment, I wonder why I don't see myself with something, you know. I mean, for a lack of better word to describe it, a career. I'm laughing in my head now thinking of my friend Hanna and how "careers are just 20th century invention." or something like that.