This month is finally reaching its end. I found myself letting out a big sigh earlier at work when I realized I have just survived this awfully long, unkind month of July. Max Ehrmann, the genius behind the famous Desiderata, once wrote that "Many fears are born out of fatigue and loneliness," and I have been both and let me tell you it's a bad, bad combination.
Sometimes when I don't have much left in life to look forward to, I think of my unprocessed films in my drawers and feel grateful. They are my horcruxes, I leave little bits of myself in each and everyone of them. I promise, if I ever find time, I will make sure I'll have them processed this August! So I won't have to look for happiness where I can't find it.
Negativity on the side, July proved to be not entirely depressing, contrary to the weather it came along with. I had my weekends full and satisfying; catching up with friends, hanging out with Marko, documenting life in my journal, listening to good music--little things that make such big difference to my sanity.
The line from Desiderata continues saying, "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself."
The fact that I might soon run out inspirational thoughts to keep me going is inevitable. No one is born an optimist anyway, but the Buddha told me 'we are shaped by our thoughts. We become what we think.' and I'll take his word for it.