Friday, September 14, 2012

Hand Gestures etc.

I turned 22 recently. Four cakes, countless birthday greetings, one happy heart. I know several 20-something people who has done so much with their life at this early age; following their passions and living their dreams, whilst I, have yet to discover my path and behold the summit of my life-goals. I envy them. Until then, I remain infinitely grateful to the people who have warmed my heart on my birthday. Even if its only for a day. It's amazing how you try living life the best possible way you can and then knowing another soul has gained something from it.

Turning another year older cast a signal fire on how more or less 365 days ago, life in general was down in the dumps. I had enough time to dust myself off though and organize my thoughts, but some things are filed up so neatly in your mind's archives that there is no instant delete button for where the unwanted memories lay. 

You may say I am happy. For I decided to be so this time. And that's what's great about happiness, you must realize that a big part of it (if not all) is in your control. Whereas sadness snuck up on you exactly when you least expect it. I see danger in being too much/too long in one state. Happiness doesn't lasts just like any other emotions but sadness lingers longer than any of them, I think. 

After all, trying to get over this boy is like giving me a white crayon to draw on a blank paper. Pudpod na't lahat ang crayon, wala pa ring makikitang pagbabago. God knows how hard I'm trying (keeping myself busy, maintaining distance) but the bigger picture is still the same. A year has gone by and I'm still caught up with my memories. It's all in this frigging head! 

A tempting solution lies untouched at the back of my mind: a replacement. But honestly, as much as Paige tells me to "put yourself out there" and how "nothing is displaced unless replaced" crap I usually say to my friends, I don't actually want anybody for now. What I need is to go back to when I wasn't hopeful and nostalgic about foolish things that time cannot rewind! I must tell you though, this is just an impending PMS talking because I'm not usually so emotional and shit. HAHAhaha ._.


  1. the metaphor with using a white crayon to draw in a blank paper is like your feelings to this boy: it's still there. How to prove it? If done writing with the white crayon on the blank paper, put it infront of a candle/white light. it's not surprising though, it's still there. It's written there. O_O

  2. Wow, woman. You a point. And you don't know how much that comforted me! In the end, its always how you see things.