Sunday, January 04, 2015

Sunday Musings

I have admirable friends. I find myself lucky to be acquainted with people I look up to and consider them as family. I met up with two of them today and after not seeing each other for quite some time, endless conversation ensued. 

R and S are friends from college who, after a period of employment, went back to school to further their studies. More than half from our inner circle have made the similar decision: passed their board exams and have now earned titles. They now lead a (more or less) life connected closely to the course we took as an undergraduate. 

I am secretly their biggest fan. 

While I am genuinely proud of their achievements, there are times I just can't help but question my own. Where have I gone since? What is this recurring concern that I don't practice Psychology and has no plans on doing so at this time? Essentially, it doesn't really matter; there is no one road to success right? Some of us have taken an entirely different route and have grown remarkably, career-wise . 

But these questions, they hurt like a stab on my self-esteem.
A little hedonistic but it rings truth. Personally, this has helped me more often than I would like to admit. I was once this self-proclaimed here-and-now person. Future was a thing I can't be bothered with as I only focused on the present moment. But I made lists--of things I want to achieve, to experience; places I want to see, feel, and touch; these were dreams I somehow felt would make me a better person. These dreams became my priorities. 

In pursuit of these priorities, I saw that having a job was necessary. But I didn't want to be defined by the work I was doing. It has always been just a mean to an end. I have lived in a bubble of principles I approve of when I'm alone but noticed that it is only when I hear about other people's dreams that I am easily influenced. I get swayed and the next thing I know, I'm second-guessing my choices. 
I have always been a creative versus an academic. That much is true. Living with an intermittent self-doubt, I have found a way of coping by learning which things to focus on. I have my own goals and it is only fitting that I achieve them. Once you have your thoughts in place, the only effort is to remember it. This is where the importance of solitude enters. A read a good article about it here

Moving forward, I find that I need to continually get a better understanding of myself. A deeper relationship with oneself helps validate your decisions when you find yourself questioning them. But while it's healthy to have a clear grasp of your choices, it doesn't hurt to be inspired by the ideas of other people, regardless of how separate they are from yours. 
'You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.' I am blessed to be surrounded by peers that challenge me to be ambitious. The more I think about it, the more I realize that perhaps these questions are there to motivate me. I hope this doesn't come off as a way to justify my actions, things I tell myself to appease my sorrows. I am determined to stick to my priorities as I have last year and I am just grateful for everything! Good and bad feelings alike! To be alive is a miracle! Haha!

3 comments:

  1. As human beings, capable of learning, and of growth, we never really stay the same. You are your own person, with your own thoughts, priorities, goals, values, and own definition of success (although these may change from time to time, it is still no one else's but yours). I quote you, "it's healthy to have a clear grasp of your choices, it doesn't hurt to be inspired by the ideas of other people." Sometimes you just have to look at things you already possess, rather than search for things you do not. Then, you will see clearly that these are blessings, and they are what makes you successful.

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    1. Your kind words mean a lot to me! It's just sometimes, we can't help but focus more on how far we still have to go and forget to appreciate how far we've already come.

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    2. Anything for you.

      Well, that is our downfall. LOL

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